I was asking God before never to allow me to fall into pride and to always remind me to remain humble and to depend on Him and not on my own wisdom and capability. I never thought learning would be this hard and painful for me when it comes to staying humble and submissive to teachings and corrections, but still I thank God for the experience and I pray I could use this to better myself and my character.
Two weeks ago, the SOL 3 class where I’m in was given the task to be in front of the people and to deliver the sermon we’ve drafted for several days. I was second among the six students and I’m very excited to experience such opportunity since I believe this could be the start of another memorable experience in my Christian walk. I prayed to God for the message and He talked to me through His word and the thought He gave me was the word“encouragement.” I wanted to encourage the weak in spirit and those who are thinking of giving up because of the hardships and pains they’ve encountered along their walk as Christians. God has reminded me of His faithful servant Paul in the book of Timothy when he said I fought a good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
I’m sorry but I’m not going to talk about the sermon here since I already shared it with my classmates and mentors last Sunday. But, I wanted to share with you the experience that I had and the lessons God has taught me personally through the process.
“Apart from Him, really I can do nothing.” These were the very words that kept on coming back to my mind while I’m writing this. Since the practical test I had last Sunday, I felt so down and depressed. I kept on asking God why and just this day, I learned the answer.
Talking in front of people was never new to me. I’ve been to several conferences, seminars and fellowships already where I’ve been one of the speakers and the emcee. I’m very confident that those experiences would already qualify me to become a good preacher. I thought that practical test was just another usual and common thing to me, but I was wrong. I was over confident that I almost forgot it’s still God and His Spirit who works and not me.
I cried since there’s a feeling of emptiness in me. I felt that I could have done it better if only have depended fully on the working of the Holy Spirit. I was so familiar with the topic that I didn’t take extra effort to make it more meaningful. I was so busy and tired for the past days that I made it an excuse not to give my best shot. I know inside I could have done it better. I know inside I could have prayed better. But I haven’t since I thought my confidence could already make it through.
I believe this is just another experience that would remind me of my emptiness without God in me. Sometimes we thought we could do anything even without depending so much on Him. I learned that skill, charisma,human knowledge are nothing compared to the power and anointing of God. We don’t have to be fully-grown and well-experienced to become effective in the kingdom of God. God looks for humble people who are willing to be taught and be guided in spite of their profession, experience and skills. There’s nothing wrong with confidence since I believe God is the One who gives boldness and confidence. We just need to be careful not to mistaken it with pride and self-dependence.
I thank God for using my mentors and fellow classmates in School of Leaders 3 for bringing me such realization. I appreciate the feedback and accept them as wonderful learnings. I know with those comments, I could do better next time. I’m looking forward to more challenging tasks in the future.
I thank you Lord for such rebuke in my character. I know you are more concerned with my character than my own comfort. I used to receive commendation and positive feedback every time I speak. That was my comfort zone. You pushed me to go outside of it and face the reality. This is just a practical test. I need to prepare for a more challenging and maybe more heartbreaking yet more meaningful experience in preaching in the future. Maybe in front of the church congregation already. Why not? Challenge accepted.
